03
Feb
10

Arrive Alive – Leave Living


Taking into account the multitude of websites available with info/advice/guidance on:

 Travelling Safety Tips for Tourists

planning to visit our beloved, sunny South Africa,

I thought who better than a few of our virtual fellow countrymen

we call them b(l)oggers😉 ,

to share their best(est) piece(s) of advice for your safe return home?

Here is mine:

How to survive a LION 😯 encounter :

1.      STOP!! NOW LOOK THE LION STRAIGHT IN THE EYE🙄

2.      TAKE ONE STEP TO THE RIGHT (NO!! Not THAT RIGHT – YOUR RIGHT!🙄 → )

3.      TAKE ONE STEP BACKWARDS

4.      TAKE ONE STEP TO THE LEFT

5.      TAKE ANOTHER STEP BACKWARDS

6.      …AND ANOTHER TO THE RIGHT…

7.    REPEAT until the LION  is out of sight

Well, ok – so it doesn’t ALWAYS work –😕

BUT the right steps in the right order WILL ensure that you don’t step into your own poop:mrgreen:

Oh – and one more thing:

ALWAYS pack an extra pair of pants!!😉

BE SURE TO READ THE COMMENTS BELOW!!!!

All entered by enthusiastic, hospitalized eeehhhhmmm… hospitable (and living) South Africans from all walks of life with one aim in mind:

To help you make your SA experience as painfree🙄 as possible.

Kom julle Allermooistes!! Gooi julle eie two cents’ worth… en doenit tog maar in die rooi taal asb, ja??

(Hierdie is nie verniet my beskeie bydrae tot die sukses van ons toerisme bedryf nie.)😳


19 Responses to “Arrive Alive – Leave Living”


  1. February 3, 2010 at 11:06 am

    Taking a taxi.
    Make sure it is the kind you phone for, and not the kind where you indicate with your finger on the side of the road where you want to go (like the locals do). A trip in one of these mini-bus taxis will make a Tarantino movie look like a Sundayschool picnic… there might actually literally be that much blood involved.👿

    Shopping in a Craft Market.
    Most of it is a load of B.S from countries further north in Africa, but you can buy them as momentos for the people back in the first world. Who will ever know? Be assertive. These salespeople will stick to you like shit to a woolen blanket (Like the Queen to the throne so to speak). If you don’t bargain you will be taken for a ride… taking it up the arse so to speak (In Afrikaans we say “Deur die ore genaai gespyker (fixed :mrgreen: ) ” ).

    Do NOT stand out in the crowd.
    Go to a shopping mall on arrival, watch the locals closely… and make sure you dress accordingly. Also apply sunblock to your tender European skins. There is nothing that screams “Tourist” as loudly as a pink person, or one wearing sandals and socks (together!!😯 ).
    What will also help is to learn a few Afrikaans swear words. Afrikaans is a language spoken by the local minority, white-of-previous-european-descent people… o yes, and the coloured (black and white mix) brown people.
    An assertive “Fokkof” will help. “Ek gaan jou bliksem” means” “I am going to hit you”, just in a stronger way. “Kak” means bad, shit and “em>Jy gaan kak” means you will come second, or will be hurt badly.
    Moer” can be used in “Ek gaan jou moer“, same meaning as “Ek gaan jou bliksem” or you can ask for “moerkoffie” in a coffeeshop, which will give you a strong coffeeblend.
    Be creative and use these words in any number of combinations, as long as you are ready to run if a gun or knife is produced.

    • February 3, 2010 at 2:30 pm

      Oh, and I still wanted to add… “kak” is the one K word you are allowed to use… even us hardened South-Africans don’t use the other K-word one anymore.

    • February 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm

      Sorry oorie woordjie Tannie BB…. maar sekere frases het net meer impak in hulle oorspronklike vorm. Tannie weet, ek vloek nie sommer nie – net as dit nodig is😆

  2. 4 Krista
    February 3, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    1. Bring your own gun.
    2. Bring an extra gun just in case.
    3. Bring some more guns – you never know.
    4. Remember to pack the ammunition.
    5. Don’t bring any money.
    6. Don’t wear your bling in public.
    7. Remember your guns.
    8. Should you have forgotten to bring your own weapons, you will be able to buy some from the friendly policeman around the corner.

    Rest to follow . . .

  3. 5 die skim
    February 4, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Be afraid – be very afraid – this is Africa, dark Africa

  4. February 5, 2010 at 5:58 am

    Lmga😆

    • February 5, 2010 at 6:04 am

      Oh, for local entertainment you google the folowing:

      “JULIUS MALEMA”

      • February 5, 2010 at 2:27 pm

        or municipality……. there is a circus in EVERY town.

  5. 9 die skim
    February 5, 2010 at 9:58 am

    Although you will not recognise them, it is guarenteed that you will see one of our Presidents children during the time of your visit – just look around you !

  6. February 8, 2010 at 5:57 am

    Bwhahaha…. Julle is Funny! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

  7. February 8, 2010 at 8:07 am

    Baie gelukkige Verjaardag!

  8. February 8, 2010 at 10:17 am

    Wie verjaar? BB… wel baie geluk as dit so is.

  9. February 8, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    BB verjaar?😯

    ..so wanner hou ons die 21st bash, hmmmmmm?:mrgreen:

  10. February 8, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    ♫ Happy bifday to youuuu ♪ Hoop jy het ‘n stunning dag gehad!

    • February 9, 2010 at 12:32 pm

      Ek sou dog Beeps try atleast vir ons koek bring, maar neeeeeee……

      • February 9, 2010 at 2:05 pm

        Seker alles self verorber… **sug**

        • 17 BB
          February 9, 2010 at 2:17 pm

          Daar wás net één koek!! En ek het 4 kids. Dit los my toe met ‘n skamele 8 stukkies vir myself!!😯

          • February 9, 2010 at 4:42 pm

            Vraat, die BB van ons nê? AGT stukke vir haarself? Is fine Beebs, solank die tjinners lekker vol gevriet is, is ek bly vi jou.😆

            • 19 BB
              February 10, 2010 at 5:21 am

              Ek deel enigiets met enigiemand ini lewe, Flitsie, maar as jy my HOOGS bemoerd👿 wil hê, eet jy my sjokoloadekoek op!! Elkeen het sy stukkie (ok… stukkietjiekietjie:mrgreen: ) gekry – en die res is, as they say: “ALL MINE!!”😆


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