Archive for April, 2010

30
Apr
10

My Pride and Joy


 

My EMM (Enigste Mooiste Meisiekind)

 

 

You are now officially educated. 

Your certification is in your degree. 

You may think of it as the ticket to a better life – success – wealth – maybe even fame and fortune…  

Let me ask you to consider the alternative, my EMM. 

Think of it as your ticket to change the future…

One person at a time.

 

 

I look back often with appreciation to the brilliant teachers in my life, but especially with gratitude to those who touched my heart in more ways than mere intellectual education.

The one who taught me that poetry is as vital to thinking as knowledge.

The one who taught from the heart and not from a book.

The one who taught me to get along with people.

The one who gave me something to take home to think about besides homework.

The one who taught me never to stop questioning.

The one who told me to remember that neither success nor failure are ever final.

The one who showed me that the stars are within me. That I needn’t reach high, but deep.

 

Since I can remember you had always wanted to be a teacher.

And since then I have always seen in you all the great teachers I was blessed with in life.

I always knew that you were born to be one.

How could I not?

For you, from the moment you walked into my life, have taught me

patiently, tirelessly and confidently

to never let go of a dream

to find within myself what I had believed to be beyond my reach

to still chase after rainbows

to never give up

and most of all:

that it doesn’t take skill or talent or qualification to be your mother;

that enough love

would always be enough.

 

 

God het ‘n Meisiekind gemaak – ‘n dierbare een!

Hy het haar ‘n glimlag van sonskyn gegee en ‘n hart van goud.

In haar oë het Hy sterre geplaas en rose oor haar wange gevee.

En haar toe vir die wêreld gegee…

en die wêreld weet dalk nie aldag hoe om haar te waardeer nie.

Maar ek weet.

Ek weet beslis!

Dank God, ek weet!

~~

 

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28
Apr
10

My Kingdom go…


 

The greatest prayer lesson I ever received was from my Grandmother…

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She once told me: “Before you can pray : “Thy Kingdom come“, my child, you must be willing to pray, “My Kingdom go.”…

It’s when I’m in a mind-frame set on letting ‘my kingdom go’ that I am really open to ‘let His Kingdom come’ in. It’s only when my own importance and self-esteem and pride, my belongings, my career, my budget, my plans, wants and desires have to willfully be recognized and forced to take their rightful place: last – that there is enough room for His blessings to be bestowed unto me.

I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. 

But there also come times when I have nothing more to tell God.  If I were to continue to pray in words, I would have to repeat what I have already said.  At such times the only option I have left is to say to God : “May I be in Your presence, Lord?  I have nothing more to say to You, but I do so love to be in Your presence! I’m safe here. Safe from harm. Safe from people. Safe from want and greed (yes, we don’t realize sometimes how hazardous wishes and dreams can be). Safe from love (yes, those that love us and those we love are capable of harming us more than anyone else). And yes Lord, even safe from myself (Nothing destroys us more than our own thoughts on offences, revenge, envy, hate, lust and self-esteem).”  

Some stand on tiptoe trying to reach God to talk to him – I’ve tried that too. Some cry. Some scream. Some sulk. But I’ve found that when you drop to your knees and keep silent – He’ll hear you better that way – He gets a chance to listen to your heart that way.

I’ve learnt that somehow what’s in my heart doesn’t always end up quite as sincerely on my lips.

I suppose it’s easy enough to evict my kingdom in order to let His Kingdom come into my heart – but it seems to experience difficulty departing from the rest of me…

There is only one key to  letting go of the whole of my kingdom and it is extremely hard to come by. It is challenging to hold on to. It is easily mislaid and certainly the simplest of things to lose.  I misplace mine constantly. And by the time I am frantically trying to locate it, I sometimes forget what it even is I am looking for.

For someone like me, who talks a lot, who loves discussions, who asks a million questions and seeks answers for every single one, who tries to figure out everything, who weighs up and ponders and muses and usually uses her tongue to communicate – even with herself –

it is the hardest thing under the sun to find and safeguard the key:

Silence.

Prayer gives me the opportunity of silently getting to know someone I hardly ever meet in other circumstances. And I don’t mean my Maker – but myself. 

But what I usually pray to God is not that His will be done, but that He approve mine…

So I have to remind myself sometimes to move from asking God to take care of the things that are breaking my heart, to praying about the things that are breaking His heart. When I do, He not only shows me what it is, but I usually recognize that my hurts certainly feature there as well. It is only when I can see my hurts through His eyes and therefor in a way let them go and give them to Him, that He will tend to them in His way. It is then, when I see not only my own hurts but those I inflict on Him as well, that He can start healing and restoring the whole of me.

So, before I retaliate and mess things up much much more, than they seem to be with only me being the hurt party, I let go…. and let God.

I have learnt, that He has a way of dealing with my issues beyond all human understanding. Not only with me, but also with anyone involved.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m not advocating for anyone to become a spiritual punching bag. I’m not saying “stay” if your spirit screams “Run!”. I’m not suggesting that you become someone’s doormat or implying that you should take all things lying down. Neither am I advising anyone to kneel before the violator of their safety, wellbeing or peace.

What I’m proposing is that you take the key, Silence, open the door to His Kingdom and only after you have clearly stayed in His presence for long enough (and quiet enough) to hear yourself utter no more “but’s” and “why’s” and “what about me’s” – then and only then act and say what He has placed in that former “me” space – knowing that you and your hurts and problems will be dealt with and understanding that your character, integrity and reputation are safe and secure in His Kingdom.

If at first it seems as if you don’t find comfort in this process… wait.

If it seems your ego’s blown… wait.

If your “Me” is still angry, upset, sad, whining or in the slightest bit sulking… wait –

and don’t lose the key!!

Keep the silence!

And as quickly as one day to the next – seemingly ‘out of nowhere’ – totally inexplicable – ‘something’ will happen. You. Your “Me” will be restored. Without so much as having lifted a finger to ‘get even’ – ‘His Kingdom’ will have settled the score for you and on your behalf. He knows everyone involved better than they know themselves (including you). He knows everyone’s weaknesses and all their strengths (including yours). His promise to you is that you will be vindicated and whoever hurts you, will get their share of what you couldn’t even fathom as punishment. Want to know why? Because however well you think you may know another – you don’t know their genuine weak spots. You don’t know the chink in everyone’s armour.

But most important of all: You don’t know how to rebuke and discipline with love. How to and what to take from someone, which will in some cases let them lose everything but this: the lesson. You only know to hurt back in a similar way. You would plan to impart that same hurt – merely because your first objective would be to let the other person ‘feel what I feel’… An eye for an eye may seem so ‘right’, right? Problem is – you could lose another ‘eye’ in the process… and how many eyes (how much) do you really have to lose?

 

It’s in HIS Kingdom that you’re safe

It’s in your own that tempers chafe

It’s when you settle your own score

That pride comes knocking at your door…

Until you understand pride’s price

that it’s no virtue but a vice –

you’ll let it go and let it be

cause it’s not always ’bout “poor ol’ me”

You’ll be restored before you know

just let His Kingdom come and yours… 

let go.

 

 All I know is this:

In my whole life I have NEVER had to resort to take revenge on anyone.

I have NEVER been disappointed with how God dealt with the problem.

There were times when I didn’t find out how HE did it – or even whether HE did – but by then it didn’t matter anymore anyhow.

In cases where I know for a fact that HE did – I have often found to my astonishment that I would beg HIM to tread softly and not punish so harshly. It has happened that someone who hurt me got hurt so badly – even years later – that I would cry with them, for that which clearly was meant to be plain and simple ‘fair’ justice.

God has always given me back my lost or stolen peace, joy and love – HE has not only restored me countless times – HE has improved on the old me without fail.

If I believe that HE made me – then I know that HE is the only one who can make me whole again.

This time – like all other times – should be no exception.

And even though heartache is not an altogether new concept, it’s still not like I know exactly how to handle it. I’m like everyone else when it hits unawares. Stunned. Upset. Sad. Angry. Shattered. Despaired. Lost.

But somewhere inside of me, the voice of my Grandmother seems to surface – I remember it so well.

It’s saying:  “Hush, my child and let your kingdom go…

 

 

And though soft hearts can’t bear to hurt

they seldom seem on the alert

But why is it that soft hearts seem to be hurting so much more?

Maybe ‘coz only soft hearts know, what hearts are really for…

~

This post was NOT intended for seeking sympathy, empathy or any other pathy including tele- :mrgreen:

This post was also NOT intended as a teaching, preaching or any other kind of moral or spiritual commandment or instruction. I DID NOT receive any direct orders ‘from Above’ to tell anyone how to handle their own problems and issues.

It is merely my way. Or perhaps it may just be God’s way… for me.

You are so welcome to email me your regular mails, jokes and words of wisdom.

Advice will probably be ignored – especially if you’re currently in a state of bliss or happily-ever-after.  😉

~~

Isn’t it funny?

When we say we’re speaking to God – it’s called prayer?

When we say God is speaking to us – it’s called schizophrenia! 🙄 

 

 

15
Apr
10

Shades of Night


 

How I miss the evening light

buried ‘neath the shades of night

How I wish the stars would shine

for day’s no more a friend of mine.

Whoe’er said that black’s just black

has never suffered heart attack

the kindest kind of which you die

– the cruelest feeds you humble pie.

~ ~

How I miss the dark of night

while rays of sun force daylight bright

How I wish the sun would set

and shades of night help me forget

That black on white’s not as it seems

that truth can not be based on dreams

when nightmares lurk with evil fright

– not in the dark – but in cruel light.

~ ~

 

I have had dreams

and I have had nightmares.

Perhaps the only way

to overcome the nightmares

is to dream again?

 

 

01
Apr
10

The Day Death Died…





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