23
Nov
10

The Art Of Unfriending


 

 Poking. Friending. De-friending. Messaging. Posting. Tagging. Liking. Ignoring.

 

The New Oxford American Dictionary chose the verb “UNFRIEND” as its 2009 Word of the Year (WOTY) and defined it this way: “to remove someone as a ‘friend’ on a social networking site such as Facebook.” The word “has both currency and potential longevity,” explained Christine Lindberg, Oxford’s senior lexicographer on the OUP Blog.

The act (art😕 ) of unfriending (or defriending or unfollowing) is part of the pruning process of maintaining a presence on social media, like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites.

It’s so easy to collect more friends than you want or need, including many contacts that may turn out not to be “friends” by any reasonable definition of the word.

Fortunately, if someone posts too often, bores you, lurks without posting, has questionable politics or ethics, says something caustic or insensitive, acts unpredictably, or even uses too many exclamation points (or the excruciatingly irritating UPPERCASE), takes 80 quizzes a day and pokes you incessantly, it’s relatively easy to get rid of them electronically – with no more than a few keystrokes.

A few days ago I came across a status posting on FB where a certain person mentioned that they had unfriended a ‘friend’ who was supposedly an outspoken racist – which left me wondering:

Did they know this ‘friend’ before they befriended them on FB?

Did they know this ‘friend’s’ views before they befriended them on FB?

Have they ever spent a minute or two in real life with this person?

Do they share other (different) interests, concerns?

There were quite a few people who ‘liked‘-marked the status…

Here’s the question:

If you’re going to unfriend everyone on FB (nevermind befriend everyone who invites you), who you don’t agree with on one or two viewpoints in life, how many ‘friends’ will you have left?

Do you check every incoming ‘friend’ request or are you just so glad someone likes you enough or finds you ‘important’ enough (for whatever reason) to want to be’friend’ you? And do you have a list of should-nots, must-not, be-not – by which you could fine-tooth comb their opinions and principles and accept on those terms?

Do you feel flattered in any way when you receive yet another ‘friend’ request from a relative stranger? Do you know, really know, more than half of your FB friends?

Do you invite more people to be ‘friends’ than what you receive invites?

Do you check (and compare) the number of friends you have on FB and do you actually (secretly) brag about it?

Are you consistent with your evaluation of who qualifies to be a ‘friend’?

If a ‘friend’ posts a socially or ethically unacceptable status comment – do you just ignore that, or take the time to gently point them to the fact that it offends you and that, although you’re crazy about them in general, the fact that you’re ‘friends’ on FB, means that you’re invariably associated with them (and their offensive moral principles and conduct).

And finally:

When and why would you ‘UNFRIEND’ someone? And if you did – would you just hit the button or would you add a comment or note? Would you take into consideration your common friends and how much information you have exchanged (including secrets and confidences) with one another? How great is the risk of collateral damage? How many other connections and ties are broken?

Do you think just as your “Friends” list, your “Unfriends” list should also appear on your wall?

Maybe something like “FRENEMIES” would be kind of funny –

in an eeehhhhmmm sardonic👿 sort of way…

 


16 Responses to “The Art Of Unfriending”


  1. November 23, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    dankie BB, op die mees kritieke oomblik gee jy DIE REGTE raad!!🙂

  2. 2 krista
    November 23, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    Dis hoekom daar opsies is om sekere “friends” op ‘n limited profile lys te sit. En om hulle news feeds te hide sodat jy dit nie sien nie.

    • 3 BB
      November 24, 2010 at 5:49 am

      But then, why have them there in the first place?🙄 uit pure courtesy? Oor mens nie kan ‘nee’ sê vir ‘n invite nie? (Ek is netso skuldig as enigiemand – ek het oor die 30!!!! friends invites wat net daar lê. Soms druk ek hier en daar die “Ignore” button, maar alhoewel ek weet dat die aansoeker nou nie met trompetgeskal gewaarsku word dat ek die invite ignore het nie, voel dit nogal ‘nasty’ op ‘n manier wanneer ek dit wel doen.
      Ek het beslis geen friends wat ek oorweeg om te ‘defriend’ of sekere limits op te stel nie – ek ‘hide’ wel sommiges se newsfeeds – bloot omdat hulle dit so oordoen, dat dié wie se statusses ek wel in sou belangstel nie meer op een page pas nie, agv van ‘n ander se niksseggende😕 ge’babble’.

  3. November 24, 2010 at 5:45 am

    😆 @ frenemies… jy beter dit vir die Amerikaners aanstuur… jy kan ‘n word of the year skep.

    Ek as reël be”friend” nie sommer enige een nie. Dis stupid, en mens weet nie watter psycho’s daarbuite in die sosiale-netwerk-gange lurk nie…

    Laat my dink aan ‘n gebeurtenissie so paar jaar terug😆 Vriendin van my nooi my om haar “plus one” na ‘n troue te wees. Heel mooi invite en alles. Sy en die bride-to-be het toe so bietjie meningsverskil by die werk gehad, en toe so 2 weke voor die troue bel my vriendin my… histeries van die lag. Op haar PC keyboard na lunch kry sy ‘n heel offisiële kaartjie, in koevert en alles – om haar in skrif mee te deel dat sy offisieël ge-uninvite is na die troue toe… have you ever….

    • 5 BB
      November 24, 2010 at 7:57 am

      😯 ja-nee wragtig! Somehow wil ek dit tog amper om die een of ander rede respekteer😕

  4. 6 PlaasJuppie
    November 24, 2010 at 6:59 am

    Wat eintlik moet gebeur is dat jou profiel in drie dele gedeel moet word, Friends, Family en Acquaintances. Dan kan jy ‘n “public” profile handhaaf vir al die kennisse en ‘n meer “private” een vir jou regte vriende.
    …of jy kan doodeenvoudig almal wat nie vriende in die ware sin van die woord is nie afhaal van jou friendslys af. Delete. Poef. Weg. Nie een van die 50 plus mense wat ek afgehaal het het nog vir my dreigbriewe geskryf nie.

    • November 24, 2010 at 8:45 am

      😆 en dis cool… want hulle weet ook seker (hopelik) nie waar jy bly nie.

  5. 8 Son
    November 24, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Mal oor daai woord – frenemies😆

    Ek aanvaar deesdae net FB friend requests van mense wat ek REGTIG ken. Maar ek is nog steeds stom verbaas – ek kry ten minste een keer ‘n week ‘n invite van een of ander Turkse / Palkistani / Arabiese or iets dergelikse man. WTF?! Lyk ek soos iemand wat in ‘n harem wil wees😈

    • November 24, 2010 at 1:50 pm

      😆 Misien kom jy baie onderdanig voor… bwahahahaha

      • 10 BB
        November 25, 2010 at 4:38 am

        Met daai sultry ‘look’ van jou… Queen of the Harem, ja!:mrgreen:
        Ek weer het al ‘n Egiptenaar se knieë laat knak…🙄 hy wou persluiks kamele stuur!! Maar Helge hettie plek in die erf vir 12 kamele nie😕 en hy’s nie groot op bolle nie – Bluetjie s’n is reeds ‘n mission:mrgreen:

        • November 25, 2010 at 5:48 am

          Bwahahahaha

          • November 25, 2010 at 5:51 am

            Julle moet die Egiptenare sê ons trade in geld… nie kamele nie:mrgreen:

        • 13 CHAOS
          November 25, 2010 at 2:16 pm

          Ek verkoop hulle my lief -jy weet mos ek verkoop enige ding behalwe seestrome en aardbewings , o ja en ek sukkel nog om n paar duisend lee bierblikke te verkoop xxx

  6. November 25, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Ek het baie min mense op by FB en 95% van hulle ken ek persoonlik. Ek is maar katvoet om enige invite te aanvaar want daar is maar snaakse kreature daar buite. Ek hou van jou frenemies woordjie🙂

  7. 15 Girl van die Suburbs
    November 26, 2010 at 7:58 am

    Ai… Ek is HEELTEMAL oorsensitief… As iemand my van FB afhaal of nie terug antwoord op ‘n blog nie gaan ek in panic station in… want dan wonder ek… wat het ek gedoen ❓

    • 16 BB
      November 26, 2010 at 8:10 am

      Sjoe Girly – en meesal is dit simply maar net ‘n ‘not all there’ state soos by my… ek val myself so gereeld en vinnig in die rede, dat ek meesal nie kan onthou waar ek laas was of wat ek laas gelees het nie…. of ek geantwoord het of nie.
      DINK, Girl, DINK hoe jy daardie persoon perceive – en vergewe hulle (my) hulle mental afwesigheid soms😳 , ok?
      If all else fails… VRA!! Mis- of wankommunikasie is een van die grootste oorsake van vriendskappe en verhoudings wat skipbreuk ly😦


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