23
Jul
18

Anonymity & Friendship


“Anonymity is an abused privilege ,

abused by most people who mistake vitriol for wisdom and cynicism for wit”.

poerdezmerdez.wordpress.com/…/wsjd-wwyd-nr-1

I post proverbial sh!t from time to time (too).

I get hurt from time to time (too) and I hurt people from time to time (too).

I make assumptions from time to time (too).

I am an oblivious fool from time to time and an unobservant idiot.

I am all of these things and more. But I am neither never malicious nor aggressive and least of all insensitive or heartless.

Above all of that I face (often far too hastily) my doubts,concerns and fears head-on, frequently ending up with egg on my face, but at least enlightened and fully aware of my shortcomings, faults and failures.

Forgive me (again) for the hurt I caused. I seem to get in deeper and deeper by the day. I am currently drowning in this sh!t.

I am ‘that friend‘.

That friend that f*cked up. That friend that expects a friend to scream in my face, if need be: “You did me wrong“. If only so that I could (at the very least) attempt to make it right. 

I didn’t know. (But not knowing is a law unto its own, I guess? Not knowing doesn’t justify the sin, does it? Not knowing isn’t a legitimate, acceptable response, is it?)

I was that (albeit obnoxious, unthankful, sh!tty) friend. That friend not worth mentioning your hurt to. The friend not worth allowing the benefit of the doubt, or in this case, the opportunity to fix what she broke or hurt.

The friend whose actions are now, two years later, used in a “WHAT WOULD YOU DO” poll or vote-of-confidence of sorts, to establish her sincerity or lack thereof, by mostly virtual strangers to both (bar what they post and who they profess to be in the virtual realm).

One thing though; one final thing: If said “ander vriend teenwoordig wat die lewende wit waks uit die besoekende vriend irriteer” was my very own daughter (who hardly if ever even speaks her ‘moedertaal’  even when we’re by ourselves), then I am sorry, but the chances are as slim as if said “ander vriend teenwoordig wat die lewende wit waks uit die besoekende vriend irriteer” was an old school friend who speaks a maximum total of a few (not even a hundred) words of German. Neither of which and the only ones who could possibly have been there at the time, to make you feel uncomfortable or even in the least bit unwelcome. And neither of who would intentionally do anything to compromise my friendship with someone, who firstly they KNEW to be my very best friend in the world and secondly who they knew I would never ever in my wildest dreams hurt in any way if I could prevent it in any possible way.

Either way, sadly, I still unto this day, don’t know who the irritant is…

EMM&Menz.jpg

But this is what I posted at the time.

I guess I didn’t thank you loudly or clearly enough.

Maybe if I had known that someone in my (very small) circle irritated you so much, I would have made an effort to keep you apart or at the very least made sure that you didn’t feel the way you did. But I didn’t know (oops, I forgot that that is NO excuse). How could I? Friends obviously don’t share this kind of information with each other, for reasons unknown to me (oh, heck, I seem to be constructed by unknowns). Friends also evidently don’t confront their friends to clear the air; to throw their tantrum; to give each other an opportunity to apologize and to give the friendship the chance it deserves.

I am Birgit

Birgit Coertze (néé Wenk)

Also known as BB.

The friend who didn’t deserve your friendship.

 

 

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