Anything You Can Do…

 

Talking about highly intelligent invertebrates here …

It embarrassed me somewhat – (not a lot though and no 🙄 I have NOT had sleepless nights over it) that an octopus might be able to ‘solve’ the one thing in life that firstly, I have NEVER had the inclination, determination nor aspiration to do (since I have traffic and deadlines and hungry children and bad hair days and broken nails and the joys and heartaches of life in general to deal with) and secondly I NEVER partake in anything voluntarily in my me-time that promises to frustrate, infuriate or torture me longer than I would allow an itch to settle between my shoulder blades…

But THIS ↑ spineless (highly intelligent) creature as featured on the photo IS holding a Rubik cube – and it IS playing with it… I only found out later that somebody with too much money and time on their hands is doing a test to see which of its 8 arms the octopus prefers using for ‘toys’ – or whether it is octidextrous. For whatever reason it is supposed to serve human kind how again?? 😕

Except for the fact that I have but 2 arms – I AM definitely octidextrous: I can sing a tune while sitting in rush hour traffic, smiling (AND wave AND BRAKE) graciously at everyone and anyone who needs to get there sooner than I do, think up a nice meal to cook, send 3 sms’s and make 4 calls, plus fill in my lipliner AND touch up my make-up, while taking off my coat at 80 km/h (around a bend) from UNDERNEATH the seatbelt, while wiping my sunglasses and changing the radio station, because I refuse to listen to bad news and need a soothing melody to drive home to…

In order not to be out-IQ’d by a giant squid with 8 arms and NO traffic, no deadlines and no other disappointments in life, I decided to try it. I FINALLY did it!! I played with a Rubik Cube! It’s the most fun I had for a full undivided 109 seconds without Ritalin EVER!!!

 (The study / research never declared a successful solving of the Rubik Cube by any of the octopi – which just goes to prove… eeeehhhmmmm what again 😕

Than an octopus is color-blind?

You tell me 😉

Octopus – State Enemy #1

It’s not easy being a clearvoyant Octopus, now is it?? Not with 82 million germans demanding your head (or his soft pouch receptacle) on a plate… 😯

Paul is not a soft, fuzzy, cuddly and cosy Knut – like the Berlin polar bear – he is more like a large floating elephant scrotum! So, maybe he feels he has more in common with the Spanish for a good enough reason afterall??

This particular octopus, like all other octopi, are cephalopod mollusks in the order ‘Octopoda’, with two eyes and four pairs of arms, are highly intelligent 😕 , probably the most intelligent of all invertebrates – but can they also  be psychogenic,  supersensory,  and  telepathic?

Public sentiment and feeling in Germany seems to changing and Paul, the formerly funny and entertaining octopus has become somewhat of an un-welcome’ free-loader’!

Then again – ‘Legatus non violatur’  – a wise old Latin saying meaning:  ’Don’t shoot the messenger’ .

But while it is wise never to blame the messenger for just his message, this wisdom should be  reserved for human beings and not four-legged tentacled mollusks!

German internet searches for  ‘cooking with octopus’ and ‘octopus recipes’ have skyrocketed overnight. 😆

And in Argentina people have threatened to make Paella of Paul.

It is not easy to be a ‘clairvoyant’  octopus and perhaps ‘Paul’ should have just stuck to being an acquarium thingie and not reach too high socially – after all octopi should know their place – they should be seen… behind glass… and not heard from.

Anyways – Congratulations to Spain –

und Kopf hoch Jungs!!

Dann holt ihr uns den Pott eben in 4 Jahren, ja?

Torres comforst Poldi

“O Aarde sluk my in!!!”

 

SCHLAND!!!

 

Paul the Psychic Squid…

 

It is tentacle trauma in Oberhausen Sea Life Centre. 

Paul the prescient octopus has predicted that Spain will sink Germany  😯 – although I believe he’s either been served a bigger (or perhaps deader) mussel in that container or it was spiked (Tabasco maybe 😕 )

Also, keep in mind that Paul is an English-born squid – which might make him a bit more biased plus they (the English) have one thing in common with the Spanish – though they had to do it a week earlier… go figure…

I personally think it’s cruel to keep a wild animal like Paul in a little Aquarium acting as Debacle-Oracle… I mean, I like octopuses, octopodes or is it octopi n’all’n’all, but I much prefer them grilled with a dash of fresh lemon and a mild spicy sweet-chilli dip… 

So, I reckon Paul should be set free, like his long-lost aangetroude-stief-skoon-walvis-onkel Willy, or at least left to serve a respectable purpose – as Delikatesse maybe??

Now where was I??

Ah Yes!!

Allow me:

SCHLAND!!!

 

 

 

Die Kaap is weer Hollands

“Die Kaap is weer ORANJE“

“Die ORANGENE Invasion” noem een Duitse dagblad dit – en vertel tersluiks van Jan van Riebeeck se aankoms op 6 April 1652 met sowat 80 van sy landsgenote wat hoofsaaklik Bauern (boere – letterlik) was. Talle Afrikaners het Hollandse wortels (kyk maar na Helge se oer-oer-oer-ouma-grootjie Helga ) – baie ken iemand met Hollandse wortels of ken iemand wat iemand ken met Hollandse wortels… hmmm 🙄 en ‘n wortel is toe nogal alliepad ook ‘n oranje ding 😕 – maar ek vergeet sopas hoekom dit enigsins ter sprake is… Dalk het grootjie-Helga toe eintlik nie met haar spelery in die tulp-tuintjie die latino nobleman verlei nie maar met haar ooroue familie-wortelkoek-reseppie?? 🙄

(Daar MOET een of ander rede wees hoekom die nasie so graag hulleself in oranje tooi, dan nie?? Ek weet ek kan gaan Wiki – maar sal dit kort en kragtig waardeer… want ek sweer ek het nie lemoenbome daar in die Niederlande gesien nie 😕 )

ANYWAYS….

waar was ek nou weer???

OJA! Geluk, Holland! Maar ‘geluk’ is juis wat die oorwinning moontlik gemaak het. Want die spel was so ‘n rompslomp of issit klomp(e)slomp (aan altwee kante) dat enige span werklik waar kon gewen het. Hierdie een is beslis deur ‘n doel gewen. EEN doel. En dis al rede daarvoor. Definitief nie vir briljante spel of taktiek of tegniek nie.

Ek moet byvoeg – dit was een van die eerste wedstryde waar ek werklik nie omgegee het wie wen nie – en met soveel minder druk op my kon ek dit (tenspyte van die rompslomp) vreeslik geniet. Ek het altwee kante se doele ewe hard bejuig, albei se vuilspel geskel en albei se einas en wen / verloor meegevoel.

My “Man of the Match” – hell, for that matter my “Man of the WC” was nog alliepad en is steeds dié een:

 

DIEGO FORLáN CORAZO

(two-time winner of both the Pichichi Trophy and the European Golden Shoe)

Kan hy vir jou ‘n bal place en goal soos geen ander nie. Enigste striker wat nie gekerm het oor die nuwe bal nie – skop ‘n draaibal dat hy glo hy’s ‘n frisbee… en so kan ek aangaan…

Ek koop sommer vandag nog vir my Helge ‘n aliceband!! Net oor hy “Man of my Life” is en in honor of ons (gesamentlike – jipjip ons kán soms wel saamstem) favorite speler van dié Wêreldbeker.  

 

Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina…

  

 

Green Point Stadium Cape Town – Table Mountain at Sunset 

 

Chancellor Angela Merkel can barely watch… (believe it…) 

what a cool lady! After the first goal she looked around, then stood up 

almost apologetically and applauded in a very ladylike fashion. 

A few goals later she could care less – jumped up and gave hand shakes all around 

smiling widely  

(I’m sure she felt like doing a Mexican Wave all on her own 😆 ) 

After the win she planted a big kiss on Zuma’s cheek – 

(earlier in the day Zuma Zuma captained a charity team in the Unity Cup tournament, donning a blue and white strip… ) 

 

“Die Mannschaft” celebrates 31-year-old central defender Arne Friedrich’s FIRST goal ever  

on his 77th appearance for Germany!!! 

 

Goalkeeper Manuel Neuer – almost always on his knees (if not flat on the grass) 

sacrificing every bodypart for some of the most brilliant saves in this WC. 

In one word: BRILLIANT!! 

 

Thanking the crowd for their support after a 

4:0 

Thrashing 

Immediately after Argentina’s 4-0 quarterfinal loss to Germany on Saturday, Maradona was understandably upset. And according to Argentina’s Diarios y Noticias,  he let a group of German fans know it. A translation of their report: 

 “Argentina national team coach Diego Maradona had an altercation with German fans after the end of the match that marked the elimination of said team from the 2010 South Africa World Cup. 

Apparently upset over post game celebrations by fans located behind the Argentinian bench, Maradona approached and scolded them, until Dalma, one of his daughters, entered the field and contained him.” 

 

It’s a shame the man who has entertained us all over the last few weeks with his exuberance and delightful antics had to get involved in something like this. He would go on to say that this loss was “the most disappointing moment in my life” which shows just how devastated he must have been as he walked off the pitch and saw German fans in red and yellow wigs partying like it’s Oktoberfest in July right behind him.  

 

  

SCHLAND!!!

 

‘Schland VS Gauchos

Germany vs Argentina has a great history.

Prepare yourself for a real treat when these two old rivals meet.

Only 16 matches between them since 1958 – 5 of which have been World Cup games.

In 1958 Germany beat Argentina 3:1 – they won the game, but didn’t make any new friends 😉

In 1966 the teams drew 0:0 – no goals – but 32 fouls were counted in the match whereafter FIFA duly introduced the yellow & red card system and warned Argentina against their “crude pride culture” of play.

↑ Cufre vs Mertesacker

(this foul was performed AFTER the final whistle blow… 😕

(the Argentinias ABSOLUTELY HATE losing )

Germany played Argentina in a “Friendly”

on March 3, 2010

Germany was defeated 2:1 😦

Apropo Defeat:

Germany’s team has a much warmer (safer) home-coming waiting for them

than Argentina does – depending on who gets to go home…

If ANYBODY can teach the Argentinians a lesson in foul play – it is their own Nation 👿

(after a previous defeat in a World Cup quarter final the team had to disembark in Montevideo,

for fear of their ‘fans’ wrath in Buenos Aires 😯

In the words of their coach Diego Maradona “My Players are beasts” (I presume he means that literally too) 🙄

And Löw has his “Meine Jungs…”

I will certainly be waving this flag proudly for the ‘Boys’ tomorrow:

And maybe, just maybe it’ll be  “Boys to Men”  vs  “Goucho go Groucho“

SCHLAND!!! 

 

Veni Nada Tata

Allow me to rephrase my (might I add voluntary fatefully forced) enthusiasm

on my Veni-Vidi-Viva blogpost.

No, I WILL not write another semi-amusing poem about an utterly *YAWN* boring game and a few headless spineless chickens soccerplayers with less latino blood than a hot boerehunk I know (and adore) who claims to have ‘it’ (the blood) Somehow I’m starting to believe him 🙄 Even HE would’ve had a better game against the Spanish (on his OWN!!) – fueled by the few latino drops he’s inherited from some spanish Nobleman who visited Holland in 148o-something and fancied his great-great-great-grandmother Helga frolicking in her tulip plantation – after the initial attraction (which leaves most men, deaf, dumb AND blind) he was confronted by her the next morning in a pair of huge wooden shoes and a slang that frightened away him and the whole Spanish Armada and in their fearful flight made them lose their way and sent them straight across the Atlantic… where he (the Nobleman) promptly got involved with the bare-footed and soft-spoken natives there, relieved that he didn’t have to go back to Europe -EVER!!

Until this day the name Helga is just about the only thing that will shut a Latino up long enough so you can get a word in… and even if he doesn’t know the legend – somehow the name “Helga” has a de-ja-vu-ic nightmarish effect on latinos that sends inexplicable chills down their spines – the recollective terrified genes of that nobleman are still til this day very very much imbedded in their genetic memory. (maybe Rosalind can shed light on this phenomenon one day 😕

THAT is why Holland is still Holland and NOT EspanHOL, vistaan djille nou?? Ek dink Holland as land en nasie skuld die Helge se oer-agter-oerste-ouma-grootjie ‘n moerawiese dankerkenning

🙄  So I didn’t get the t-shirt… (dankie tog!!) nor a Nando’s meal… (maybe the team did??) 👿

and thank heaven I’m still BLONDE!!! 😆

Eins… Zwei… Drei… – Juchei!!!!

ok, ok… VIER dann maar die Engelses gaan hulleself nog tot die volgende WC oor hulle doel (jipjip dit WAS beslis ‘n doel) besk-eeehhhhmmm-yt – en praat van spanmoraal en demotivation en en en… – maar ons het teen daardie tyd slegs 2:1 voorgeloop en hulle kon ná halftyd seker maar darem (wêreldklas span wat hulle is) die nodige effort ingesit het om dit te bewys.

En toe…. NIKS. Nada. Zilch. Nuttin’… Moraal? Het Prestik moraal nodig om te function? 🙄 Nee wat.

Wat seg jy vandag virre Engelsman as jy hom raakloop??

“Chicken of Beef, Sir?”

Die verskil was nié moraal nie. Die verskil was spanspel. Die Duitse seuntjies het ons mooi gewys hoe. Löw se afrigting en filosofie m.b.t SPANSPEL. Hy sal jou in die (regte) posisie laat speel wat hy goeddink en jy sal daardie posisie aanneem asof jy nog altyd graag daarin wou speel. Nie oor jy moet nie. Oor jy kan. En oor jy WIL.

Die Engelse span wou nie, (kon nie? 😕 ) dieselfde doen nie. Elkeen op sy eie mishopie gesit en kraai. Soos ‘n spul o/6 Bulletjie-rugby spelers aka “Maar EK wil die dlie dluk!!!”. Jy voel jy moet heeltyd rondkyk om te sien of daar nie iewers ‘n span mamma’s langs die veld op en af spring en die ander kinders op die veld skel nie (ongeag of dit opponente of spanlede is). Maar dis ‘n storie vir ‘n ander dag 😉

Anyways, where were we?? 🙄

Oh yes! Poldi said it himself after the match: Roughly translated: “We realized we had to become a bit more calm, a bit less arrogant (die match teen Serbië het hulle beslis gewys dat voortvarende jeug jou grond toe kan bring) and therefor more solid as a team.”

En dit, Allermooistes, is dit. Plain ‘nd simple. Prestik.

Gepraat van Prestik… Aijaijaijaijai!!! David, David, David… (Becks) – wat is dit tog met die kougomkouery, hm?? 🙄 Taai toffie gewees, huh?? Ek sien hy’t hom óf ingesluk hier teen die einde óf hom in sy oor gedruk (of wherever else hy ‘n gatjie kon kry…), want die spoegspattende lusvolle kouery was meteens iets van die verlede. Arme man was ‘n paarkeer op die groot skerm – daar kon mens nou duidelik sien, dat stres ook ‘n verouderingsfaktor is… 😯 Mick Jagger daarenteen laat nie dat sokker hom onderkry nie – heng, as sex, drugs, ‘n rock & roll hom nog nie 6-foot under het nie, gaan die Engelse sokkerspan beslis nie nog meer skade kan aanrig nie. OITS! Net ‘n ma, nê…. ok, of ‘n jong voornemende (skatryk) weduwee kan daai gatsiggie liefhê 😉

Anyways – grappies op ‘n stokkie. Euphoria is ‘n lelike ding – en nou’s dit ‘ons’ teen die blou en wit van Argentinië 😯 Daai manne gaan NIKS op ‘n skinkbord aanbied nie – en daar loop lava deur die are – is mos Latino’s ‘n all ‘n all – (my Helge staan nogal redelik vierkant square agter hulle – kwansuis sy latynse bloed ) – maar ja, as ek so na die wedstryd tussen Argentinië en Mexiko gekyk het, kan ons dalk net met ‘n bietjie moeite (en ja, geluk) tog nog seëvier.

 

SCHLAND!!! 

 

‘Schland – Ghana – Himmelswillen!!!

Net een woord: HIMMELSWILLEN!!!

Oh, ja – ek het nog een: “MESUT“

 (dis my pet-gecko teen ons stoepmuurtjie se nuwe troetelnaampie – wat, terloops, meer opwindend is om dop te hou as wat hierdie wedstryd was. Hy ontwaak ook soms uit sy slapie en het nou die Sondagmiddag 3 gogga’s gevang – 2 meer as wat sy naamgenoot in die Duitse span kon optower 🙄 en gee my dus meer geleentheid om “TOR” te skree as wat ek die afgelope twee weke kon doen 😦 )

Het ek al gesê: HIMMELSWILLEN!!!

Oh, ja – Sondag is dit teen Engeland 😯

Mag ek dit maar weer sê??? 😕 

HIMMELSWILLEN!!!

 

 

 

  

Serbië – Duitsland: 11-10 = 1:0

My eerste – en LAASTE kommentaar hieroor!!

Joachim Löw – Duitse afrigter het ‘n probleem gehad… hy het besluit sy span sál sentraal aanval – daar waar Serbië se digste teenwoordigheid was (as hy ‘n rivier sou moes oorsteek, sou hy seker die plek kies met die grootste stroomsterkte). So het Serbië die hele middelveld toegestaan en die Duitsers het gewonder hoekom daar minder plek vir hulle was as in die gemiddelde duitse kelder tuis.

Gepraat van Löw (een van die ehhhhmmmm sexyste mans in dié toernooi : die hartseerste prentjie van hom – so 10 minute in die 2de helfte, staan die man met sy rug gekeer na die speelveld… leun teen ‘n advertensiebord, kopskuddend bedroef en staar eerder in die grys muur voor hom vas 😦

Müller het sy bes probeer (klem op probeer) om kantlangs te speel en Özil het sy opponente gevoer met die balle, so of hy die gawe ouma is van sy serbiese spul kleinkinders…

Gepraat van Özil : sy hare was nie eers bietjie deurmekaar na die wedstryd nie… 😕

Toe Klose (bloot omdat hy fisies teenwordig was) geel en rooi te sien kry, het die duitsers gladnie meer geweet watter speletjie hulle mee besig is nie. Badstuber het (alweer) ‘n tweestryd teen Krasic verloor en die een of ander doffel het die briljante idee gehad om Lahm teen ‘n ellelange Zigic in ‘n kop-geveg te laat sy man staan (Lahm se voorkoppie raak-raak aan Zigic se borskas 🙄 ) – en dit, liewe kinders, is waar die doel vandaan gekom het – Zigic kop die bal netjies vir Jovanovic om te doel, terwyl Lahm teen Zigic se bors cuddle.

Slegte herinnering aan die Australië wedstryd: Podolski verskiet ‘n strafdoel in die 2de helfte – hel… gepraat van Podolski – as Poldi sovêr kom om die bal in die nadere omgewing van die strafgebied te kry – het die baljoggie solank reggestaan om ‘n nuwe bal vir afskop op die veld te rol.

Gepraat van strafdoel – hierdie strafdoel het ‘n bestaande rekord gekelder – dit was Duitsland se EERSTE onsuksesvolle strafdoel in ‘n Wêreldbeker spel sedert 1974!!!

Uiteindelik net na die 70ste besluit Löw om ‘n stormpie te veroorsaak – in die persoon van Cacau – wat darem ‘n windjie reggekry het, maar sonder Kroos nie naastenby ‘n storm kon voortbring nie. Dalk was Löw jammer vir Serbië en het hy vergeet hulle loop actually voor??!! 😕

Die Serbe is toegelaat (vir ons almal se bloeddruk se onthalwe) om nog twee keer die dwarslat te besoek, terwyl Duitsland soveel as moontlik geel kaarte deur Alberto Undiano oorhandig is – uit totaal ondeurdringbare redes – dalk het hy gedink dat hy almal moet uitdeel wat voor die wedstryd in sy sak geprop is – voel-voel so in sy sak – aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh – daar’s nóg een!! Hmmmm – vir wie sal ek hom gee??? Dorftrottel!!! 👿

Gepraat van Undiano – lyk of hy tot dusvêr breitoernooie en toonstoeiwedstryde reguleer het – Sokker is vir hom beslis te aggressief!! 😯

Alles het vir die Duitsers net té veel geword – hulle wou terug hotel toe. Vir Mamma gaan bel. Thomas Müller is 21 – Dit is die jongste duitse span wat in ‘n wêreldbeker speel sedert 1934 (gemiddelde ouderdom 24) … Hmmm 🙄 ek wonder of niemand gewonder het hoekom…

Wat ek eintlik wou sê: “Ballack, oh Ballack – wie lange muss Dein Fuss noch heilen???” 😦

Gepraat van: Môre speel Duitsland teen public enemy #1 – Ghana… by name Kevin-Prince Boateng – wat vir Ballack se enkel besering verantwoordelik is 👿

Kevin-Prince Boateng terloops is Jérôme Boateng se half-broer 🙄 en Jérôme speel vir: raai wie???

‘SCHLAND!!!!!